Page 6017 - Week 14 - Thursday, 8 December 2011
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not just a censure but a no-confidence motion.” But then I went even further. Inspired by my success with shopping trolleys, which I am very glad that Mrs Dunne appreciated, I am going to do legislation on ties—strict rules on ties: their colours and size and most of all their interaction with shirts. Members will be delighted to know that if you wear a hairshirt you can wear whatever tie you want.
Then I thought of censuring Mr Stanhope because he has not been here for a very long time—but then I remembered he had resigned.
Then of course I thought about our new Chief Minister. I thought, “We should censure Ms Gallagher because there has been a 95 per cent decline in the amount of love expressed for Canberra’s trees in this Assembly since Mr Stanhope’s departure, and that is very sad.”
I thought of censuring Mr Corbell for never understanding my questions without notice—but I thought, “Why should he have all the fun?” He has been hogging the censures all year, and it is simply not fair.
Then I thought maybe I should censure both Mr Seselja and Mr Hanson for crimes against tautology. I know I might not get support for that motion and that the motion might just not be supported. But that is okay—I would just try again the next week.
Next I thought maybe I should censure Mr Doszpot for reading his absolutely wonderful adjournment speeches so quickly that we cannot understand them at all. At least if Mr Doszpot loses his race to the Assembly he has a career in auctioneering or calling horse races ahead of him.
Mr Barr, I think, deserved a censure for no longer being able to keep politics out of planning. But I decided to leave him in the Assembly, and instead try and execute a cyber-censure on him. This involves stealing all his Twitter followers and usurping him as mayor of foursquare.
Dr Bourke, I have to say that I think you just do not qualify for a censure. You have only been a minister for a week; to be fair, you should be in for at least a fortnight. So please be ready for a February censure, probably about your lack of achievements over the Christmas shutdown.
Mr Hargreaves, it was felt that you probably deserve a censure for your abrupt and startling escalations in volume. I have seen Ms Porter jump from her seat in fright a number of times.
Thinking of startling noises moved me to the new bells. I understand they are from New Zealand, but I do not feel that is an excuse. They certainly deserve censuring; but I looked at the standing orders and you can only censure members, not bells. Mr Speaker, I trust that you do something about this and that they are fixed over Christmas or you will have to be added to the list with Dr Bourke.
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