Page 6284 - Week 19 - Tuesday, 17 December 1991
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Valedictory
MR HUMPHRIES (7.58): Mr Speaker, we have been writing political obituaries with some vigour in recent weeks. I think it is worth bearing in mind that the Latin maxim momento mori roughly translates as saying that sooner or later we all have to kick the bucket, politically speaking. Whether we are carried out on a wave of voter cynicism or carried out in a box, ultimately another bum will warm each and every seat in this chamber. So, in the charitable spirit of Christmas, I have some suggestions as to what each and every one of us might be able to do in the political afterlife.
Ms Follett, for example, might consider becoming public relations director at the Canberra Casino, where she would enjoy sweet success in persuading patrons who lose the shirts off their backs that they really are better off in her casino.
Mr Kaine would be temperamentally suited to become the ACT's first administrator, since this is a mere extension of the pomp and ceremony and rubber-stamping associated with being Chief Minister.
Ms Maher could start a consultancy in assertiveness training. She has certainly developed that in the last three years.
Could I suggest to Messrs Connolly, Collaery and Stefaniak that they might consider entering into a legal partnership. It would be interesting. It makes a lot of sense. Mr Stefaniak could specialise in prosecuting, Mr Collaery in defending, and Mr Connolly in any matters with the potential for personal appearances in the High Court. Let me say that I do foresee some problems with that firm. The post of senior partner would probably change from month to month - one month Mr Connolly with the support of Mr Collaery, the next Mr Stefaniak with the support of Mr Collaery. I do not think, though, that Mr Collaery would ever quite make the post of senior partner.
Mr Wood could audition to become the model for a new cuddly but educational children's toy - soft and fluffy, with no sharp edges.
Dr Kinloch could apply to become the manager of the Quaker home for ageing academics, a place where no-one ever argues and where bed numbers never get cut.
Mr Duby, of course, needs no advice. He being a man who has had more political parties than Cat Stevens has had religions, I do not believe that he ever needs to be pointed in the right direction. I expect that he has already registered the name "Dial-a-Party" at the Corporate Affairs Office, the idea being that people who ring up expecting a good time instead will hear a 20-minute speech on options for improving public revenue in the ACT.
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